Saturday, October 4, 2008

My life is starting over.

Well, it was bound to happen. The Chiyo and Michael that existed for two years has taken its last and final gasp for fresh air. Now its stale and stiff, and like it was never alive in the first place. It's not my fault...It's not his fault. If nobody's willing to take the blame, take a bullet instead or get over it. I have. I'm over it. This is just my last and final probe at this dead specimen. I feel like I need to dissect it under a microscopic lens, because obviously I was blinded by my own naivety. Why do I always do that? I mean, I'm not a complete and total waste of human flesh, I'm not a fucking retard, why do I just ignore all signs leading to death and decay. Why do I stay optimistic in the only field that always leaves me pessimistic? It's like I'm a glutton for punishment. It's like I'm a masochistic psycho who, who just loves getting stabbed in the heart over and over and over and over again with various sharp objects. Why? It's like this world is flipped upsidedown. The one person in this world, who is completely harmless on so many levels- you wouldn't expect him to be able to hurt anyone. Well he did. And it was me. Why am I constantly being let down? Why am I so disappointing?

On a lighter note. I'm leaving this shitty state, and moving west to a more "promising" state. Good ol' Californ-i-a. I won't even be near him enough to want to be with him again. I'll be in a new and exciting environment. I'll make new friends, who are my own, and not ours. And eventually I find Mr. Right. Eventually I'll experience something called "mutual love." But for now, I'm on the prowl, desperately trying to gain back my game. Wish me luck on this new escapade.

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