Monday, October 20, 2008

Pontiac Cafe- R.I.P.

I only visited this establishment a handful of times. It's outdoor patio conquered the rest on sunny summer days. They had an awesome B.Q.Q. chicken sandwich, although it left me with a mound of napkins cluttered all around me. This place introduced me to the phenomenon of strawberry stoli and lemonade. It became a staple drink of mine throughout last summer. Anyway, enough of the sentimental jargon. On to the going away forever party.

What started out as just a cold windy night on the outdoor patio, with food bought from the local 7-11, food that was spoiled (chicken salad sandwiches aren't supposed to be so acidic that it burns your tongue, right?), food that led me to return the sandwich and exchange it for an even more awful sandwich, even though it was not spoiled. I ended up getting some artichoke kalamata hummus and some pita chips with an Arizona iced tea that tasted like the bottom of a garbage barrel, so I decided to pawn it off to what seemed like a sleeping bum, but surely he was not. He was blind. So I gave him the shitty food, and felt good about it-which in some ways would make me a shitty person, but in other ways make me a very un-shitty person...You get it.

So, after all that exchange of shitty 7-11 food, I went back to 7-11 to get a deuce deuce of Fat Tire that I drank and spilled fervently while dancing my ass off. The DJ was enticing. He was like Joaxin Pheonix, meets Jude Law, meets Steve Aoki but not Asian. I love dancing, and I don't do enough of it these days. I'm going to start embracing my inner dancer more often. I felt hot tonight, not just because I was sweating ass and titties. But because it made me feel more comfortable with myself even though I probably looked a fool. A man danced with me and I seduced him by accident. It wasn't intentional. At all. His name was Sean. He reminded me of a haggard Vince Vaughn with a beer belly. He asked me dumb questions like, "where do you hang out besides that Pontiac?" I should have replied with something clever and witty, but I just replied with, "nowhere." It was loud and sweaty and the last thing I wanted to do was try to have a conversation with every response starting out with, "what? I can't hear you-talk louder!" So I left to smoke a cigarette, he stood there dumbfounded, so I flashed my box of camel lights and yelled, "Smoke?" He followed. I started the conversation out there with, "honestly, I don't really hang out anywhere specific. I'm actually really boring." I told him that I was moving to LA and he responded quite enthusiastically with the dreadful, "So am I! But not until March." He asked me where I was from, not having to do with my Asian background, but where I grew up and I said "Detroit...Well, the suburbs." And he responded with "Holy shit! I'm from Toledo." Cool...Toledo...That's not even in Michigan...Great turnpike though. Went back in, and walked back out. Walked back in, ran into good ol' Sean and he grabbed my hand as asked when we'd meet again. I told him to write a missed connection about me, explaining that I've never had one written about me that I know of, and I've always wanted one. He had no idea what I was talking about. I explained to him, "You know...Craigslist? Missed Connections?" He didn't even know what craigslist was. What are you some sort of newbie to internet? Some 100 year old technologically inept human being? A fucking caveman for christsake? I responded with, go there, click the link missed connections, write about me. Done. He wanted one last dance, so I danced. Some drunk ass lezzy wannabe pulled me up to dance on the bench that wrapped around the restaurant, yelling in my ear about how sexy she thought I was, and that she noticed me as soon as I walked in the room. Flattered and somewhat curious, I danced as she groped my little tittle. Sean stayed on the main floor and commented that he was still taller than me standing on that bench. He was wrong, I towered over him. His eye level was straight at my tits. Great. I hopped off after the song stopped. Knocked over a picture frame and it cracked, glass spilled everywhere. I told him I was leaving, he went in for a kiss, and I gave him a hug. I think he hugged back while semi-touching my ass. Whatever. Flashed him the peace sign and walked out the door. Only to see one of the bartenders from the pontiac I met the other day. He was sitting with this woman who had the worst coke jaw ever. She yelled, while I was literally standing a foot away from her, "You are the cutest girl in this whole fucking place. Why are all the other girls so stupid? Why was everyone trying to schmooze me tonight?" I thought to myself, I'm sure nobody was trying to schmooze you tonight, lady, but at least you still have the ego of a 20 year old. Said goodbye to Lisa who apparently goes by the name Lazer now. She hugged me and asked where I've been. I reminded her of her little outburst and that our friendship revolves around pissing eachother off and apologizing weeks even months later. She laughed, I laughed, we hugged again, flashed the peace sign, and rode home.

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