Wednesday, January 14, 2009
I can hear the angels singing their sexual hymns of prayer.
Thank God! A miracle has occured tonight, and it has to do with my second set of lips- the ones which rest below my brown leather braided belt. I thought for the longest time, that I just had trouble coming, or climaxing, or getting off, whatever you want to call it. And I guess it is still true...But I could never, ever, figure out just how to do it myself. I've fiddled around down there plenty of times, but still, no music played. My mother always told me, I have violinist hands. So I figured since my hands are as big as boy hands, it'd be a piece of cake, but still, it never did the trick. I always thought I wasn't getting the right angle or something...So I eventually gave up...Until tonight! I don't know what it was about tonight that made me particularly horny, or if it was the collapse of dominos as days that really set me loose. Either way, I searched for the pink vibrator I purchased right before I left Chicago for Los Angeles, in the drawers of my desk. Frantically trying to pry these drawers open, they weren't budging. I just kept thinking to myself, "are you fucking kidding me? The one day that I decide to jerk off, my vibrator is going to be stuck inside some drawer?" I don't know if you know me, but I'm a persistent little bugger. I get what I want, and I don't stop until I do. So after tugging at this drawer as if I were a junkie who's drugs were hidden, at last- The drawer slides right open and there is my semi glowing pink rubbery soft to the touch vibrator, still in its original packaging.
So pull it out of its plastic casing, and throw it on the bed. I put my sexy Betsy Johnson nighty on, and I pounce on this miraculous man made object like a cat on a mangey rat. Now this is the hard part. It's one thing being horny, and its another thing to be "in the mood." How am I supposed to get in the mood? All the porn I've ever seen, is boring or disgusting. It's all geared toward men, with all their trashy slutty fake titted girls, wheres all the porn that is geared towards women? I mean this is a serious subject we women should tackle. So I succumb to it, shoot me, XVideos and then Youporn. I think youporn has more to my liking than xvideos, but I ended up just not watching anything, and using my I M A G I N A T I O N. I still have it in me. I guess I'll thank art school for that trick. If not a job, I'll settle for this. I guess my actual realization was the fact that I never really addressed my clitoris. I feel like a neglectful mother right now, because I haven't acknowledged or given my clitoris the respect it deserves. I know better now, and I'm sorry. From now on, I will send vibrations to your soul and I will talk dirty the whole time in my head, and since you're a part of me, and I'm a part of you, we'll hear it as one...So that my cousin James in the next room doesn't have to hear it. We'll just let him think that constant hum is the heater.